Before there was Light: Part Seven

I cannot help but feel uneasy as I approach Rauru’s shabby cottage. Dega is sitting on the observation platform on the roof, and smiles as I approach.
“Ah, Mistress Impa,” he calls, leaping lightly down from the platform to stand before me, “I knew you would come…”

There is something odd about him… something wrong with his tone…

“I came as soon I received your message, Brother Dega…” I respond warily. I may not have the princess’ uncanny skills, but I can generally tell when something is amiss.
“Good, I had hoped my message would draw you down here… and the princess? Is she still at the palace?” his eyes look eager… much too eager…
“The princess is my concern, Brother Dega, not yours…”
He laughs, taking a step closer. It is an odd, strange cackle.
“True enough… though sometimes I wonder why we bother…”
“Bother with what?” I ask, subtly moving into a defensive position.
“Those damned Hylians,” Dega growls, distain unveiled in his eyes, “why bother spending anything other then hate on them?”
“Dega!” I bark, stepping back, “what’s gotten into you?”
“They send us to battle, they let us die, they trample on our graves! And what do they give us? Nothing! Surely you of all people know this Impa!”
“You forget your place Dega!” he’s gone mad…
“Have I?” he growls menacingly, “or have you forgotten him? Your beloved Defaid? What would he say if he knew you were still the lapdog of the man who sent him to his death?”
“It is not Fiate’s fault that Defaid died, nor any other Shiekah… he sent warriors to battle, some always die, that is the way of things,” why am I bothering with explaining this to a man obviously gone mad, “we cannot get the dead back, Dega, and it is unwise to dwell too long on them.”
“Oh, but we can!’ he cries, shifting slightly, “he promised… all’s I had to do was send you the message, get you away from the palace, away from her… oh, was he mad when he heard about how you killed his first Garo assassins! But he said if I got you away from the princess he could bring her back…”

Dega sold me out? And what in Din’s name is he screaming about?
“Who would bring who back?” I ask, mainly to stall for time… I would like to try and find a way to sedate Dega rather then fight him; he does not seem to be in his right mind at all.
“Simari!” he cries almost sobbing, “do you even remember her? I do! I have wept for her every night since those damned Hylians killed her!”
“Dega,” I bark, “Simari is dead! You can get her back…”
“But he can! Gannondorf promised to bring her back, to give life again!”

This is insanity! Thank the goddesses I saw fit to spirit Zelda away instead of sending her to the palace.

“He can do it for you too…”

The words cut me like a knife.

“What did you say?”
“Gannondorf…” he repeats, smiling a weird grin at me, “he could bring back Defaid too…”
No! This madness needs to stop now… no, it needed to stop several minuets ago….
“Dega! You dishonor the memory of the ones you claim to love! They would never want us to sell away our friends for them, even if it were possible…”
“Friends?” he is growling again, “you call those murdering swine your friends? You really have forgotten Defaid haven’t you? Does he ever cross your heart, or have you locked it away, Ice Queen? Or maybe you do call out his name, while that Hylian butcher of a king is bedding you!”

Every part of my being wants to kill him where he stands. How dare he!

But, I would never attack an old friend like Dega, even if he has lost his mind, and it does not seem as though Dega is going to force me to. He is just walking away, seemingly unconcerned over our current debate. Wait, he is leaving with my permission? Dega is no elder, not even a master really… now it seems that besides hating the Hylians, he has decided to abandon his Shiekah ways as well. What wrong with him?
“Dega,” I ask, trying to soften my voice, “we have always been friends… please, why are you acting this way?”
“It does not matter,” he replies, smirking over his shoulder, “by the time you return to the palace that brat of a princess will be dead, and Simari will be in my arms…” his eyes soften slightly, and I think he is actually looking at me with something akin to pity, “you should speak to Gannondorf as well, Impa… he is always willing to help, and you could see Defaid again… we could all be happy together.”

Impossible… Gannondorf may be a powerful mage, but no one can bring back the dead.

“Get out of here Dega… go run back to your new master. The Shiekah no longer will welcome you…”
He stiffens slightly, then smirks at me over his shoulder.
“Goodbye, Impa… I’ll be seeing you again, old friend…”

No Dega, the man I was friends with is gone…

After he walks away, I enter the house. Dega said this had merely been a play to get me away from the princess, so I want to see how much of his letter was actually true. Of course, there had been the princess’ dream, and I am curious to see if it stacks well against reality.

It is impossible to tell the details, but the important part is clear. Rauru is laying on the floor, face down. Other then this, the house appears to be untouched, and my eyes glace over to the half-eaten stale meal on the table. They probably poisoned the poor sage. Other parts of the letter seem true as well; missing reports, torn journal, and no evidence of a real struggle. Walking over to the body, I bend down, trying to examine it closer. The second me face nears the body, something happens. I feel pulled into a swirling, rushing pit of grey cloud. My vision blurs, and I no longer feel as though I am standing on a solid surface. The clouds swallow me, and wind rushes by my ears. Crying out, I begin to flail, trying to garb at anything in the mist.

And then suddenly, Rauru is before me. We seem to be standing on a whirling table of cloud, mist forming a thick wall all around us. Rauru stands as usual, pompous stance and bald egg-like head. Ugly as ever, but the sight of him is almost beautiful.

“Rauru, where are we?”
“The Sacred Realm, and do not yet rejoice Mistress Impa, for I am as dead as you first thought…”
“I see…”
“Do you? Maybe, or maybe not. Impa, my powers as a sage have been awakened in a way I did not think possible, and I have learned much from the process. Still, what I have seen causes me to once again diminish and return to Hyrule. If I reincarnate as a being other then a Hylian, I will retain my wisdom, awareness… So I am returning to Hyrule as an Owl to help guide the Hero of Time when the time for his quest comes.”
“The who?”
Hero of Time. The Hero of Time will save Hyrule from its dark foe, who seeks to pervert the power of the Triforce itself, bending the gifts of the goddesses-”
“Rauru, slow down. I need to be told what is going on here…”
“I cannot,” he replies, and the mist begins to rise between us, “my time is too short. I can only say be careful with the princess! Do not doubt here skills any longer, you have seen them, now believe!”
Then the cloud swallows me, blocking my sight and disorienting my mind. And then I find myself falling back into the nightmare I have spent over a decade trying to wake up from…

*******

My Parents died, but I was able to accept it. Fiate and Julia wed, and I still never cried.

Be it joy or sorrow, I have never been able to let others see me.

Years of Shiekah life taught me that balance was needed in all things, and I assume that has something to do with it. I spent years cutting everything that might make me weak away, dependence on heat, dependence on supplies, and even a dependence on others. Had it not been for Defaid, I might have fallen to the most dangerous adversary I have… Mistress Impa of the Far Shadow Clan.

From the day I became an orphan, to me everything was darkness and pain. Had Defaid not brought light to me, I might have given into the darkness, becoming like our cousins the Garo. Yet even so, when my bringer of life asked me to be with him always, I hesitated.

Oh Defaid… please forgive me…

Julia had married Fiate, and it was obvious Devan was at death’s door. A year ago Fiate had used his weight and my prestige to have me appointed as Princess Julia’s official bodyguard. Naturally, this kept me in the palace. Defaid was still technically in the military, but an uneasy peace existed between the nations at that point, so there was not much to fear. Defaid had wanted to quit the military and get married right then. He was sure Fiate could place him as Captain of the Palace Guard, a rather slow going position. It was his dream… to be safe, peaceful and happy together. But for some reason I will never know again, I felt I needed more time. I told Defaid yes of course, but also added the only words I have regretted speaking.

“Not just yet… wait until your house in the village is finished. Fiate and Julia will not require me as much then, and we can enjoy ourselves more.”

What was I afraid of? Fiate and Julia did not need me… the palace guard functioned well without my oversight… almost every night since that I have lain in bed trying to answer this one question.

What in Din’s name was I so afraid of!

It is a nightmare that I can never shake…

So it was that the weeks pasts, Devan died, Fiate was crowned king, the house was finished, and Defaid and I married. For a time we were happy… but how short that time was…

*******

Marte looks at me with something almost akin to anger as I walk into the camp.
“You are here for the girl?” she more states then asks.
“Yes, it is time for us to go,” I reply, “Fiate will have returned to the palace, and he will no doubt be wondering where the princess is…”
Marte sighs, then gestures for me to follow.
“This way…”

As I look about the camp, I notice that the normal bustle of a Shiekah village is strangely absent. No one is in the training pits, no children running about with messages from one master to another, no sounds of students reciting lessons from the school house, no one tending the cooking pits; it was as though the camp was completely abandoned.
“Where is everyone?” I ask, unable to think of a reason for the silence.
“Evening Meditations,” Marte replies, obviously taken aback, “it is night of the New Moon… surely I do not have to remind you of Shiekah tradition…”
Evening Meditations of the New Moon… that means… I have been asleep on Rauru’s floor for over five days! Goddesses of Love, Wind and Fire, Fiate is probably worried sick! I follow Marte to the open air temple, but it hardly seems as though she is moving fast enough. I need to get back to palace immediately.

The Hidden Plain Shiekah Clan colors are white and blue, with the Shiekah symbol for eye in red over the chest. As we enter the meditation grounds, I quickly scan the backs of the figures as they sit cross-legged on the ground meditating, but the princess is not immediately evident to me. Marte’s frown takes on a proud smirk as I look back to her.
“There… three rows back and four seats in,” she explains, pointing, “as you can tell, she’s taking to her training rather well.”
Indeed she was. The figure Marte is pointing to is blending in well enough to fool me. Of course, it helped that blond hair was not as uncommon in the Plain Shiekah as in other portions of our race, but all the same I was quite impressed. My first impulse is to collect the princess and leave immediately, but Shiekah traditions ARE traditions after all, and so I sink down next to Marte to participate in the meditation.

Evening Meditation of the New Moon is meant to be a time for the Shiekah warrior to focus on inner stillness of the heart, and Shiekah scholars to find an inner stillness of the mind. As an Elder, it is a time to detach from the bonds of leadership and focus on spiritual growth. However, at the moment I am having an unusually hard time focusing on anything. My mind is clouded by what I saw and heard in Rauru’s hut. Trying to force past the cryptic messages of the now dead sage, I find myself plummeting back into the dream…

*******

I was at the table looking over messages from various Shiekah operations I had been placed in charge of. The Shiekah Elders had named me one of them not long ago, an honor NEVER bestowed on one as young as I. It seemed that, like Master Remha had said all those years ago, I was no ordinary Shiekah. It was slightly humorous in my mind that I had reached the panicle of the Shiekah social order so quickly. In all honesty, I did not actually care for the honor all that much, but as soon as I had become a Master, Defaid had insisted on calling me ‘Elder Impa.’ I think I was driven to reach the highest honors simply to playfully spite him. And, as Remha also taught me, unwillingness to recognize ones strengths can be the greatest weakness. The fates saw fit to ‘bless’ me with a great deal of skill… though in honesty I have paid dearly for it.

Most of the letters were trivial, and did not actually absorb much of my attention. This was very fortunate, given that my mind was miles elsewhere. No sooner had I moved into the house Defaid had built for us in the village, then the Hylain Military (and ergo Defaid) was called to quell a Greudo uprising. Of course, this was on the far side of Hyrule; the journey alone would take several days, not to mention the prospect of battle. I had seen Defaid leave before, but somehow it had been harder that time. Of course, no one would ever know to look at me that I was dieing on the inside with worry, but that in no way lessened the fact that I was.

I remember exactly what report I was reading when Sami, a Far Rock Shiekah, entered the house. I remember exactly how I was sitting at the table. I remember exactly how Sami looked as he bowed slightly before me, straightening to look at me with eyes that were both saddened and strangely emotionless. I remember the exact words.

“Mistress Impa. It has fallen to me to relay the grim news that your husband, Master Defaid of the Low River Shiekah, came to a noble and honorable death in battle.”

How could I forget them? They have echoed through my mind night after night.

“He died to a Greudo spear protecting the main front of our line. I am sure it will please you to know that the stand he took that led to his death turned the tide of the battle in favor of the Hylian forces. He will long be remembered as the savior of peace in Hyrule.”
In all honesty, this did not make me feel the slightest bit better. Later it would, and does to this day, but at the time I could only feel a huge void opening within me. A void I knew would never be filled. I waited until the young Shiekah left, and then, for the first time in my life, I cried.

“Your husband, Defaid of the Low River Shiekah, came to a noble and honorable death in battle…”

The next day Julia arrived at my door. She and Fiate had heard about Defaid’s demise the same night I had, and my good friend had instantly started to the village as Fiate rushed to the front to prepare proper respect for Defaid’s remains. Julia comforted me that night, and the next day. The afternoon I returned with her to the palace, and I never lived in Defaid’s house again. From time to time I am forced to spend the night in it, or operate from it during unusual circumstances, but I have rarely been there more the a few night in a row. The memories there are so strong…

“Your husband, Defaid of the Low River Shiekah, came to a noble and honorable death in battle…”

I still hear those words. And every time I ask the goddesses why I could not have been taken that same day; why I must continue to live alone. Why can I not shake those words?

“Your husband, Defaid of the Low River Shiekah, came to a noble and honorable death in battle…”
Will I never be free of them?

Before there was Light: Part Six

Remerber to look for the paralels between Zelda's growing up and Impa's... they might seem slightly unrelated right now, but the flashbacks always deal with the present sooner or later...


“Well,” Fiate smiled, straightening the clasp of his cloak for the thousandth time, “here we are…”
“Fiate,” Defaid laughed, “you’ve never been this ancy over meeting the king before, why the extra nervousness now?”
“This is a big day for us, that is all…”
“So it has nothing to do with his daughter who will be there?”
Fiate reddened slightly, but the Hylian noble possessed more self-confidence then entire cities of Zora.
“Oh, I would never say that the immense quality of the glorious young woman is lost upon me, however-”
He continued on, but Defaid and I had ceased listening.

After Defaid and I had been separated for another year, the Shiekah elders finally saw fit to pull me back up to the north. I found out later this was only due to a strongly worded request from Fiate, now a greatly respected general and war hero, for a young adventurous Shiekah master to join he and Defaid performing various covert missions for the empire. In actual fact I am sure Fiate thought he had no need of me, but he always has been willing to help friends where he can, and he no doubt knew of mine and Defaid’s relationship.

Whether he had initially believed I possessed any skills at all, Fiate had soon learned to be grateful of my varied abilities. We had traveled on nearly a dozen missions gathering ancient Hylian, Shiekah, Greudo, Gordon, and Zora icons from temples and shrines scattered across Hyrule. The somewhat superstitious and sadistic king of Hyrule needed these items for his own purposes, and the thought of loosing three young people deep in the temples and dungeons filled with monsters and traps apparently did not lay hard on his mind. Simari had been with us originally, and it was doubtful our deaths would cause him to loose any more sleep then hers had.

The three of us walked into the throne room. Fiate knelt down on one knee and ducked his head, as was the Hylian fashion, as Defaid and I straightened, bending slightly forward from the waist eyes focused on our boots.
“Enter,” Devan’s voice hissed, beckoning for us to draw nearer to his throne. It was a massive gold and velvet chair that dominated the far side of the room, dwarfing even Fiate’s powerful frame; sitting on it, Devan looked exactly like the petty, little, tyrant he was.

As loathsome as I found Devan, his daughter Julia was quite a remarkable girl. She was sitting not far from him, on a small backless chair, dressed in the Hylian royal dresses she hated so much, long blond hair braided falling down to her waist. Julia was one of the few rich people in the world who hated being doted on. She had spent a fair amount of time with the three of us, and all of us had come to love her in our own way. For Defaid, she was the long lost little sister; a girl he could care about and protect without the complications that came with someone like me. For me Julia was the one feminizing influence I had ever had. She had quickly become my closest friend, and the two of us shared everything together. But for Fiate, it was as though one of the goddesses had come to Hyrule in flesh. He positively worshiped the ground she walked on, and in turn he was the one person she allowed to treat her like the royalty she was.

“Did you find it?” Devan asked. As usual, he has all the tact of a Lon Lon cow… I swear, I felt no loss in my heart when he finally died; goddess knows it was about five years too late… it has taken all of Fiate’s notable diplomatic skill to patch the fractured relations that petty king set up.
“But of course, Lord Devan,” Fiate answered as he rose, “we tirelessly delved into the Fire Temple, risking life, limb, and our wonderful complexions, for the noble cause of retrieving Din’s Spear for you.”
Defaid and I also straightened. We had both formed a silent agreement that Fiate did all the talking at these sorts of things; he was the only one that did not spend the majority of the time just wishing the arrogant Hylian would keel over dead. Defaid produced the spear, and stepped forward, offering it out. It had nearly cost him his life, so it seemed that he should be the one to hand it over. Devan nearly pounced off his throne down to snatch away the old weapon. He swept past us towards the door, pausing only to look back once.
“Julia, show the Shiekah to their rooms… Fiate, wait for me in the command room, I have much to discuss with you…” And then he left us. Fiate glanced back to Defaid, who shrugged, then stalked off towards Devan’s military planning room.

Little did any of us know the changes that this simple meeting would send crashing into all of our lives.

*******

Zelda, for all her wonderful qualities, is no Shiekah.

She could easily fool a normal Hylain, and even those who had spent a fair amount of time around us, but there is no chance she would trick an actual Shiekah into thinking she was one of our own. So our trip to elder Marte’s camp is going to serve me a two fold purpose. First it will give me a safe place to deposit the princess while I investigate Rauru’s hut along with Dega. I also have a second job for Marte to do for me.

“Mistress Impa,” Marte greats me as I walk into camp. I have pulled Zelda’s hair into a single tight braid that falls down her back. She is wearing the brown and green traveling clothes she made me buy just this morning at the market, and I have cautioned her to keep her eyes a reddish brown for now. I want Marte to take extra care of Zelda, but it would be best if her identity was known to few people as possible.
“Mistress Marte,” I reply. Both of us like to get right to the point, so I do not bother with pleasantries. Gesturing for Zelda to give us some room, I lower my voice and talk to the elder alone.
“This is Julia. I need you to watch over her for the next few days, and Marte, I cannot stress the importance of this girl, do not let her fall into serious harm.”
The old elder’s shrewd eyes glance over to Zelda, an eyebrow rising with a hint of incredulity.
“She’s a Hylian? Mistress Impa, I remind you this was one of the last hidden Shiekah camps…”
“I know that Mistress Marte, and that is why I had to come to you… ‘Julia,’ as you have no doubt guessed, is no ordinary Hylian… she is actually Princess Zelda. However, no one else must know. I need her hidden for a few days.”
“If I didn’t know of your friendship with Lord Fiate and the unflappable loyalty you possess, I would be tempted to think you had turned rebel…” Marte pries, obviously pressing for more information.
“I realize that Plain Shiekah are slightly relaxed,” I begin darkly, “but respect is a universal Shiekah trait… if you wish to challenge my place, then please state so openly…”
“Oh, no… nothing like that,” Marte replies, smirking slightly, “but surely you cannot fault me for pressing slightly. Someone bringing me the princess of Hyrule and asking me to hide her for a few days? Sounds at least moderately like a kidnapping, wouldn’t you agree?”
“I am not someone, Marte,” I growl, “I am Elder Impa of the Far Shadow Clan, a Master of the Taraja style. You know who I am, do not push my patience further…”
“Of course, I mean no harm by it…” she chuckles, turning towards Zelda, “is there anything else?”
“There is one thing… you will probably only have two or three days, but in that time I want you to make her as Shiekah as possible… if the time ever comes where she need to vanish for more then a few days I want her to be able to do it. Your teaching skills are legendary around the Shiekah circles, so do this for me now.”
“Of course,” she walks over to Zelda.

I watch from my vantage point as Zelda smiles up at Marte, who looks back at the princess with an expression of interest.
“So, you are Julia…”
“Yes, pleased to me-”
I wince inwardly as Marte’s backhand audibly smacks the princess’ face.
“You will answer questions in as few words as possible. I am Elder Marte, and you will show me the correct respect. Mistress Impa has asked that I begin you training in the Shiekah ways. For starters you must learn respect. You will call me and any masters you meet Mistress or Master. Brothers and Sisters should also be referred to as such. You may call your fellow children by their names.”
“How will I know if-”
Zelda’s head jerks again as a second slap connects.
“Do not presume to interrupt me again… do not think I will hesitate in cutting an insolent tongue out of your pretty little head. If you are in doubt as to a person’s station, refer to them as ‘Master’ and they will correct you if you have given them undo honor.”
“So there’s no-”
Another smack rings out and I swallow hard. I have a feeling the spunky little princess will be sporting a very red left side of the face before she learns the Shiekah brand of respect.
“Your time here will be short, so we will begin your combat training immediately… report to Master Barck at the training ground on the far side of the camp. I have other matters to attend to, so I will see you when the clan gathers for diner,” she waits, and I try to mentally will Zelda to bow. Marte sighs, but obviously decided to show some mercy at this point.
“Bow to anyone of a higher status then you when you part… it is a sign of respect, oh and on a related note, never leave a brother or higher, they will release you when they are finished.”
Zelda smiles, obviously just relieved that the instruction was not punctuated by another backhand. After watching the bow, Marte nods and walks away. I decide Zelda might need a moral boost, and walk towards her.

“Julia?” I say as I walked up behind her. Zelda turns, and looks up at me with eyes that are obviously brimming with tears.
“Oh, Impa!” she gasps, looking up at me. Sighing, I raise an eyebrow, giving an obvious hint.
“Oh, I mean, Mistress Impa,” she whispers, tears obviously about to spill out.
“Do not cry,” I sternly caution, “never let them see you cry. Crying is equated with the weakness it is around here. And just remember, show respect and you will be fine.”
She nods and turns to go, and I swallow hard. For some reason, I can barely bring myself to do what I know I must.
“Julia!” I snap, and she freezes, “I did not dismiss you. Turn around!”
The princess turns to me an obvious fear in her eye. My hand jerks up, ready to send a stinging backhand. Her wide eyes are filled with pain and fear, and I simply cannot follow through with the stroke. Sighing, I let my hand fall. Sinking to my knees in front of her I place a hand on her quivering shoulder.
“Impa,” she murmurs, beginning to sniffle.
“You will be fine, princess,” I whisper, “learn all you can, and the time to use the knowledge may soon come upon you. I will return as soon as I can. Now go and find Master Barck.”

I watch her little figure run across the camp, and swallow again. It might be hard for her here, but I know Zelda as well as anyone. These next few days might be hard for her, but they would not crush her. The princess is a spunky, lively, girl, and though her first day might be rough, the rest would get progressively easier. I have no doubt she will actually be sad to leave when I collect her in a few day.

Well, maybe NO doubt is a bit strong…

*******

Julia and Defaid were laughing about something trivial when Fiate walked in.

The princess had led us to the room Defaid’s guest room, and the three of us had been exchanging news of sorts. Nothing overly important had been said, and mainly we had just been awaiting Fiate’s return. But it was not the confident, zealous, dashing Fiate that staggered into the room and collapsed into one of the open chairs, or even the more serious and courageous warrior Fiate; this was a Fiate I had never seen before. He stared mutely at the three of us for a full minuet as we stared back; curiosity mixed with concern on Defaid’s face, worry plain in Julia’s eyes, and my normal expressionless face hiding my own worries. Finally, Fiate shook his head and chuckled slightly. It grew steadily until he was laughing hard, hands clenching his knees.
“That old fool,” Fiate finally wheezed through his chuckling, “he finally did it this time…”
“What? Did what?” Julia barked, frustration clear in her blue eyes.
“Told me I’m going to be his successor to the throne!” Fiate began to laugh again.
“But you’re not in the ruling bloodline,” Defaid protested, obviously confused, “won’t Julia become queen when…” the bonehead trailed off finally getting it.
“Fiate!” Julia gasped, rising to her feet, “Did he-”
“He said we WOULD be married, that I WOULD rule… like it or not, he said; it was an imperial order. Of course, the prospect is somewhat bleak, but who am I to refuse the call of Hyrule...”
“Uh, congratulations?” Defaid offered weakly, obviously still confused as to what exactly was happening.
“Gah, again!” Julia, groans, stamping her foot, “he didn’t even bother to ask me if I wanted you… Thank Narue he picked someone out I actually love, though heaven knows it was not out of consideration of my preferences I am sure. If he were not my father, I could find it in me to hate him!”

“This changes thing for us somewhat as well,” Fiate went on, gesturing to Defaid and I, “I will be operating out of the palace now, serving Devan here in the palace on his advising staff. I would love to have the two of you join us here… Devan has already told me that Julia and I are to be married within the fortnight, and I would long to have my two closest friends here at the palace…”
“But Fiate,” I protested, shaking my head, “Defaid and I are Shiekah; there is no way we could just leave our old lives behind us.”
“No, no, no…” cried Fiate, rising and taking Julia’s hand, “I will not hear of it. You WILL be here from now on, at least if I have anything to say about it. You two have lived in death’s shadow long enough… you both deserve some happiness.” With that he swept Julia out of the room, leaving Defaid and I to discuss our future.