What do you think...
Ever wonder where all those villains who never seem to die hang out at while waiting to get back in the ring? Well, I’m not going to say I have all the answers, but this little story might just hit close to the mark. It was inspired by Magus’ little “prepare yourself for the Void” speech, so he gets the ‘honor’ of being our guide through the dark limbo I have decided to call “The Void.”
Magus stood, staring out over the blackness. A loud “warwhoom” sound caused him to glance inquisitively over his shoulder. A new comer had just arrived.
A tallish figure with broad shoulders came tumbling out of the mystic portal. The glowing purple circle diapered, and the figure stood, brushing off his clothes. Magus felt a smile tug at the corner of his mouth. It had been awhile since he last seen the Dark Lord.
“Sauron! Over here,” he called waving for the Lord of the Rings to join him. Sauron glanced around, red eyes flashing, and finally caught sight of him. Walking over the dark necromancer smiled his flashing grin.
“Magus! It hath been many years since our last encounter!”
Magus held back his smile as he stuck out a hand. He was a tall man by anyone’s reckoning, but Sauron towered over him like a massive pillar of personified power.
“I see thou hast taken to wearing thy hair long,” the necromancer went on, gesturing at the straight blue hair that fell midway down Magus’ back.
“Yeah, I starting growing it out a couple years ago… thought it might add to the whole ‘dark-evil-yet-incredibly-sexy-wizard’ look. I’ve been giving some thought to cutting it again though. I mean, be honest, is it just too much?” his hand ran back, hooking a stray blue lock behind his long pointed ear.
“Nay, it certainly adds charm to thy looks, and we definitely need a few good looking villains out there,” Sauron assured him, before gesturing at his own appearance, “I mean, even before I was sent here the first time by the infernal Council of the White Flame I was by no means a candidate for the public face of arch-villain award, and when I reentered my plain of existence I was forced to parade myself in the guise of a flaming red eye… most embarrassing.”
“Oh, I take it the whole ring thing didn’t work out like you wanted…”
“Nay, but no one can win every battle, right?”
Magus decided it was probably best to refrain from pointing out that far from losing some battles, he couldn’t ever remember Sauron winning any battles. Also, he had to admit he wasn’t surprised to learn the ring thing hadn’t worked. The whole plan had seemed slightly far-fetched, unrealistic, and frankly just plain stupid.
“Well, that’s too bad man… hope things work out better next time.”
“Thank you, but it really is nothing. And how about you Magus, you still on that ‘conquer-the-world’ kick?”
“Um, yeah actually…” Magus responded, nodding for emphasis.
“How’s that working out for you?”
“Not too bad actually… we’ve, uh, had some set-backs, but you know, that comes with the territory, right? Still have my castle and a race of Mystics who worship me, so I guess I can’t complain. I’ve picked up some cool new tricks too… you and I will have to get out on the practice field so I can show you some of my newer spells…”
“I would love to,” Sauron said turning to go, “but first I must talk with Melkor… I assume he still resides in his cell on the southern part of the void?”
“Uh, yeah… you wont recognize it at all, he’s done a lot with the place. Looks really great, and on an incredibly tight budget too.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, uh, couple of us guys thought it was looking kind of shabby, so we entered him in ‘Pimp-my-Cavern,’ and hey, next thing we know a team of orcs shows up and films an episode… lot’s of fun, we had a great time. Melkor was totally floored.”
After he and Sauron settled on a time to meet at the field, Magus watched the necromancer stalk away. Turning around, Magus continued staring out into the blackness. Whoever had designed The Void had obviously figured ascetic quality was not something that was overly necessary. But that didn’t bother Magus; in fact he kind of liked it that way.
“Magus! Oh, Magus! How have you been, darling?”
Magus groaned inwardly. The White Witch was probably the most annoying person on the face of any earth anywhere. Her aggravating habit loving you one second, and then switching to hating you the second you no longer had anything she wanted, didn’t help. In Magus’ mind it was ok to do that to other people, but arch-villains had to stick together, didn’t they?
“Jadius, um, how’ve you been?”
“Oh call me White, Mags… all my friends do.”
“You have friends?” Magus inquired, only half rhetorically. The witch laughed as though it was a terribly funny joke.
“Oh Mags, you are terribly clever…”
Magus raised an eyebrow. He despised nicknames, and generally people feared him enough to remember that. Even that cursed Frog used his full title, and he saw little reason to put up with playful endearments from a woman he had completely distained.
“Well, Jadius, I am actually glad you stopped by, because, um, I have a question. Would you care to attend a, ah, Christmas party the Brazen Lord and I are throwing? Should be loads of fun. There will be some great kids there, too…” He made no attempt to hide the fact that the request was nothing more then a jab at her failure to maintain her frozen hold over Narnia.
“And those three brave warriors that exiled you here Magus… didn’t their combined ages hit somewhere around forty? Oh, unless you count the frog who was a little older I believe.”
Magus decided to refrain from commenting on how the Peter (to the best of his knowledge) couldn’t cast Lightning Spells like Chrono, Susan wasn’t packing a plasma gun, and Lucy certainly couldn’t bring people back from the dead or throw Ice Magic; that would only prolong an conversation he was trying desperately to dispel.
“Um, I assume there was something you wanted?” he growled, turning to glare off into the void.
“Yes,” the witch hissed, picking up on the obvious slight, “I want to know how you can get out of this place so easily, while the rest of us rot here… ever since the cursed lion exiled me to this plain of reality I have been searching all my knowledge for a way to leave, but even MY extensive learning of the arcane laws cannot find a way to break the barrier. And yet you, Magus, have returned to your own world several times. How?”
“Uh, why should I tell you things I have learned through pain and blood, witch? It is my knowledge, and I will do what I like with it…”
Turning again, Magus stalked off, leaving a seething Jadius screaming behind him.
“You don’t even know, do you! You’re the biggest joke this blackness has ever laughed at Magus! A huge fool!”